looking up

11 Jun

Trying to live authentically is difficult when you are trying to find your place in the world. I had written up a post yesterday but wordpress was down so I couldn’t publish it. It wasn’t a cheery post at all, it was about the anger that I am carrying around. I feel that this anger is preventing me from living to my fullest. It went a little like this…

Today I feel angry. I am sorry if that’s not what you came here to
read today.  But in the words of the wise, “it is what it is”.

I am angry that I had to run to catch the train after work.
I am angry that the run was difficult and winding.
I am angry that my boss makes me feel guilty for working 6 hours and
50 mins instead of 7 hours.
I am angry that my work bores me to tears.
I am angry that I am not given the opportunity to show people my full
potential.
I am angry that I am miserable.
I am angry because I like to blame others instead of accepting
responsibility.
I am angry that this blog is more a collection of random depressing
thoughts instead of an inspirational account of my life
I am angry that I am not “happy”.
I am angry that since coming off of my meds, I have been more
depressed than happy.
I am angry that I think my future looks bleak instead of hopeful.
I am angry because I just don’t know where to start.
I am angry because I think that I might have to be put back on anti-
depressants.”

Unfortunately today feels a little like yesterday. Well,  I want that to change so, to cheer me up, I am listening to one of my all time favourite albums; Graceland by Paul Simon.  I was inspired to listen to it in honour of the FIFA World Cup going on in South Africa. Listening to this album feels right. It feels like me, the me I love. I think it’s just what I need to cheer me up on this gloomy morning.

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