The turkey and the eagle

28 Jun

So I thought long and hard about this. Do I want to include posts that contain my thoughts regarding my life challenges, my feelings of battling depression or other “not so happy” thoughts? Perhaps some readers only want to read about happy things? What I have decided to do is both. I can’t fight who I am. I have been doing it for too long. I just want to be “me” and this is who “me” is.

First, let’s talk about the weekend!

Saturday night I made a delicious dinner that I just absolutely have to share with you! I swayed a little from my original plan of making salmon with dill, potato patties and roasted Brussels sprouts and gave in to my craving for Asian food! I adapted a recipe that I got from a Rachael Ray cookbook for MYOTO. Grilled salmon with homemade teriyaki sauce for basting paired with Asian style noodles with carrots, ginger and garlic. Wow! Tasty! Even my son loved it! I will post the recipe later. Until then, here’s a picture to get your mouth watering. Paired with some white wine….a perfect meal! Oh, the noodles were brown rice noodles. GF of course! Really good and had an amazing texture.

Sunday morning I was feeling a little creative. While doing my groceries on Saturday I bought this. Maseca corn flour! So the husband and I decided to whip up homemade corn tortillas, without a tortilla press. Not as easy as we thought! With some strong muscles and problem solving skills, Frank managed to “press” the tortillas using a cutting board and a serving dish. I should have taken pictures but I was too busy cooking them up in a frying pan. The result? Authentic tasting corn tortillas! We decided to fill them with ham and cheese. I think I have a new love, Maseca! There are so many delicious sounding and gluten free recipes! Like Panameño Susupiros, Almojábanas and Andaluz Tamale Pie. I can’t wait to try some of them out!

The rest of the week should go according to “schedule” except that tonight I am swapping the Mustard Maple Chicken for tomorrow’s baked beans.

So now, I am sure you are asking yourselves, what about the turkey and the eagle? Well, here is the story.

Today is a little like yesterday. As I took a walk during my lunch hour today, one thought kept circling my mind. Why can’t I live a different life? “Because I have my own”, seems like a logical response. But that response doesn’t change the way I feel. I still feel inadequate compared to others. There is this really great expression my husband told me (it’s kind of funny actually!), “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys”. That is almost how I view my life. I am trying so hard to soar; to improve myself, make changes, create new habits….but something keeps preventing me. These “turkeys” aren’t actual turkeys (obviously!), nor are they people around me (well, at least I don’t think they are)…..I think the turkey is me; the other side of me, my depressive side. Just as I am beginning to gain speed, see some confidence or improvements, the turkey pulls me back to the ground. And, I have to start all over again. I feel that I am never “feeling good” long enough to be able to make those changes I need to gain confidence, more self-esteem or resilience to battle life’s challenges. Before too long, I get into another funk and loose all the momentum I have gained. I have to figure out how to avoid the turkey and soar like the eagle I know I am.

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