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Feeling oh so crappy

14 Jul

Things haven’t been so good for me lately. I feel as though I am spiralling down once again into a depression. Not the best place to be. Nothing seems to be right or good enough. My self-talk has been so negative lately….I treat my enemies better! When I see myself in the mirror or look down at my body, I am so disgusted with myself. My energy is really low, it takes a lot for me to smile and I am having more bad days than good. I think a lot of it has to do with my self-esteem and my self-confidence. It is definitely different than my post-partum depression. These are feelings you are supposed to deal with in your 20’s not your 30’s! Pathetic I tell you! I need a major intervention or else I will reach the point where only medication will help. And I don’t want to go there again. I have few a ideas how to stop it and think I need to set myself some goals.

Now that my eating habits are under control and I feel in control at home, perhaps it is time to incorporate a little bit of physical activity. Exercise helps in a multitude if ways!
1) exercise helps to lift your mood because it releases endorphins.
2) exercise increases your energy level.
3) exercise makes the body fit!

In the past, I have setup up unrealistic goals and piled way too much on my plate. What happens? I get completely discouraged because it’s just too much! I am NOT making that mistake again! No way! Only baby steps from now on. I think setting a goal of 4x/ week sounds reasonable. But I need to look realistically at my schedule and make sure it’s doable.


Action Plans continued….

2 Jun

A few posts ago, I began writing about “fixing what’s not working”. Here’s the breakdown of what is (was) not working.

1) I am late for work 2 out of 5 days

2) Our house is always messy

3) I have been lacking motivation to exercise

4) I am not as organized as I would like to be

I only wrote up 2 of my action plans. In general ACTION PLANS I & II have been working successfully. I have NOT been late once since changing my morning routine and our house is looking pretty good. We never did hire that cleaning lady (hubby was not into the idea), but we are definitely working more as a team to keep our house tidy. I think a clean house is a work in progress and I just have to accept the fact that my house will not look perfect, especially with 2 working parents and a messy toddler!

It’s time to now tackle the next 2 issues; lacking motivation to exercise and lacking organization.


I call this issue “lacking motivation” and not “lacking time” to exercise because if someone is truly motivated, they will find the time. And right now, I am in serious need of motivation! A few strategies to find motivation to exercise and be healthy are:

1)     Define your goals

2)     Find a role model

3)     Read blogs & success stories

4)     Give yourself a reward for workouts

5)     Think of it as time for yourself

6)     Think of how you are going to look & feel


So, I have defined my goals. If you haven’t read them yet, here they are


I have a few….there’s a picture of a chick that I have on my cell phone and desktop at work. There’s also tons of amazing women that blog!  I follow some of them on a regular basis.  See my blogroll!  (That takes care of point 3). I read them morning, noon and night hoping that it will inspire me. Speaking of inspiration, there was also that woman at the grocery store.


Is it too soon for a reward? The answer is, yes, you actually have to get off your butt to EARN IT! Ok, reward is to get my nails done. Actually, I have set this as a reward awhile ago…but I never followed through long enough to earn itL. So, on second thought, maybe this isn’t a motivator after all?


As a working mom, this is totally true. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed, I am busy, busy, and busy. When I get a workout in, I get to focus all of my attention on ME! It is time for self-improvement, time to meditate and time to think about no one but me!


I don’t think I can say that I have truly ever had a fit body. The closest I think I ever came to it was 2 years ago when I was running regularly. I have to admit, I felt really good, I looked good and I wasn’t self-conscious about my body.  (Not that I am now….but I have been in the past!)

I fantasize about how it would feel to know that you can run 5 kilometers on a whim, that you have enough energy to get you through the day and then some and how it would feel to have a body that you are proud of. I never wanted to be an athlete or have the body of an athlete, but I changed my mind. I WANT IT. The question is, do I want it enough to work for it?

Goals, revisited

13 Apr

Welcome to another week! I have quite a bit I want to write about, so get ready for a long post. 

First, I want to write about how excited I am that my parents returned from their 2-week vacation. My son and I missed them both so much. Remember how I mentioned that my son was misbehaving? Well, I think it’s because he missed his grandma! My mother takes care of him during the day when we go to work. He sometimes stays with my mother in-law, but 98% of the time he is with my mom. So, for 2 weeks, he didn’t see my mom and I think he acted out! Seems like a logical conclusion…I also missed my mom terribly. I would catch myself several times a day thinking that I needed to call her and tell her something. I guess this is what happens when you are very close to your parents and they go on vacation without you. I just have to convince my parents to take both of us next time!

On the exercise front, I had a pretty relaxed weekend. Friday night I worked out. I did a great 1 hour weight session! I had to kick myself in the butt to start, but once I did, I was really into it. By the end of my routine, I was trying to come up with extra exercises I could do. I wanted to go for a jog sometime this weekend, but it didn’t happen. The weather really hasn’t been nice, it’s still pretty cold. This morning the alarm went off at 5:30 am. I checked the temperature outside…it was 2 degrees Celsius! A little too cold for me! Especially when it’s still dark outside and you don’t have the warmth of the sun.

Even though I think I made the right decision about not going for a jog, I feel guilty and disappointed. I have been watching the scale and it hasn’t gone down. It’s kind of doing this up and down thing…. I know you aren’t supposed to judge your success based on what the scale says, but I can’t help it. I do some results though. I feel stronger and more “tight”. And, can I really expect to see results after 3 weeks? I think this is a crucial moment for me. I need to stick with it and not get discouraged. I need to focus on my big and small goals and push forward.

In a previous post, I wrote about goal setting. You can read more about it here. This is how I described my fitness/health goal:

Goal (1)

My goal is to make my body strong, lean and fit by June 15th. (specific enough?)
Measurable? Lean ie. fit into a size 4-6
Achievable, definitely!
Realistic, I think so.
Time specific, I have 3 months!
I’d better get to it!

Ok, I have my goal. What do I need to do to accomplish it?

1) Run 3x/week
2) Do free weights 2x/week (minimum)
3) Eat a low calorie, high fiber and balanced diet.

Since my motivation is waning, I think it needs to be reviewed. Last night a scoured the internet for a picture of a woman whose body represents my goal. I wanted a picture of a strong, fit, and toned woman. Not simply a thin woman. Oh, and not too muscular and bulky. Once I found this picture, I knew this was the one. Perhaps it is unachievable, I am not sure, but either way, I can certainly work towards this goal.

Here’s the picture

Doesn’t she have a great body?! I love how her arms are strong and her abs are defined. This is the ultimate representation of a good looking body! Well, at least that’s what I think!  

So now that I have a picture that represents my goal, I plan to look at it often and visualize myself working towards this goal. I will visualize myself succeeding and imagine how I would feel achieving my goal.

I also think I have to tweak my plan. What am I willing to do to achieve this goal?

  1. Do weight lifting 3x/week for 1 hr (super sets) increased from 2 x/week
  2. Eat a healthy diet, aim for a ratio of carbs/protein/fat 40/40/20 more specific, requires more planning and attention
  3. Cardio workout 3x/week 30 mins (mainly running but may include some group fitness)
  4. Attend a 6-week workshop with Julie– “feel good in my skin challenge” new!
  5. Reduce intake of sweets (chocolate especially) new!
  6. Learn to deal with cravings and build willpower
  7. Blog about my feelings in order to relieve stress and vent difficulties

Part of learning to deal with cravings is understanding why you are having cravings. I have noticed that I crave sweets more when I have them regularly, almost like and addiction. They become part of my routine. I also crave sweets when I am tired. I am searching for that small boost of energy. But there are times that I crave sweets for a different reason….and so far, I have not found the reason. I am beginning to think that I also crave sweets when I am discouraged, almost as if I am trying to create a justification as to why I am not achieving my goals. I sabotage myself. I eat the junk food so that I can say, “this is why I am not achieving my goals”. Somehow it is better than doing everything right and not succeeding. I need to find a way to push past the hurdle, hang on long enough to see results.

7 Apr

Last night I spent my evening chasing after my son. He’s only 1 1/2 years old and I could swear he already hit the terrible two’s! He gets into everything….just as you take something away from him, he’s already sprinting towards another thing that he shouldn’t be playing with. I also find that his “naughtiness” is worse when he’s tired. He really keeps us on our toes! I know I am supposed to cherish these moments, ( because kids grow up so fast), but I really can’t help  looking forward to him being able to play with actual actual toys and not getting into our stuff constantly! He goes for everything and anything! Magazines, the lamps, my cell phone, TV remotes…I can go on.  I wonder if I can count this as working out?

Last night I also did a real workout after the little monkey went to bed. And what a workout it was!  I totally kicked butt! I did 60 minutes of super-setting, so that means I did it non-stop. I was huffing and puffing, it felt great! I went to bed with sore muscles and woke up this morning with even sorer muscles! I really must have done a good workout I am very proud of myself!! Woooohooo!

running with heels

25 Mar

This morning I did not get up early to do my workout but I did get the chance to run across a soccer field in heels! There I was, running to catch my train wearing heels and a high waisted skirt. What a lovely sight!

Good morning! I have been feeling great the past couple of days. Full of energy and inspiration! I have quite a bit of news today….so here it goes.

  1. Yesterday I came to the conclusion that I am seriously lacking protein in my diet and that is probably the cause of my fatigue and weight gain over the past few months. Vegetarianism is just not for me. I can certainly enjoy some great vegetarian meals (shiitake mushroom, bok choy and tofu stir fry on udon noodles!), but I cannot be vegetarian full-time.  I have been feeling very tired, hungry, moody and constipated.
  2. I need more protein and possibly iron. I visited a pharmacy close to my work during my lunch break yesterday and I spoke to a naturopath. She informed that a lack of iron (as well as too much iron)  can cause constipation and fatigue. Eating a vegetarian diet, I am eating mostly non-heme iron. Non-heme iron is more difficult to absorb than heme iron (from animal sources), there for you need to consume much more of it to insure you absorb what you need.  To cure the constipation and sluggish bowels, she recommended an herbal tea call Eliminex. It contains Senna which is a natural laxative. Also, I am to consume 1 Tbl. of flax seeds (not ground) in warm water every night. You are to combine the warm water with the flax seeds, and let sit until they are slightly gelatinous.  This should improve my bowel movements.  Afterwards, I should consider adding a probiotic to my regime to ensure proper bowel health. I will probably go back to see her next week.
  3. As for the iron issue and protein issue, I plan to re-introduce meat to my diet. Last night for dinner, we had some roasted chicken! I ate meat after a 3 month hiatus. It was tasty. Today for lunch, I have a chicken salad. I also added a scoop of protein to my oatmeal yesterday morning and this morning. It seems to keep my full for longer and I already notice an improvement in my overall energy!
  4. I discovered some really interesting blogs to read to provide inspiration! There’s Janetha’s blog meals and moves. She publishes a lot of information on food and exercise. She talks a lot about how she eats and what proportions of protein/carbs and fats she consumes. I  enjoy reading her blog! Next, there is Susan and the great balancing act. I like her because she seems quite honest about her life. She is on a quest of self-improvement.  She is learning the balance all aspects of her life. This is also something I am trying to achieve.  She is also Canadian,  like me! And there is Kelly, she is a runner. I really enjoy running and that is my chosen cardio workout. I also love the title of her blog; healthy living with Kelly.

So there you have it!

Finally hitting the road

19 Mar

This week has been great! I have managed to, despite being a busy mom, exercise 4 times! Monday evening, my husband, son and I went for a 45 minute brisk walk. Tuesday evening, I did weight lifting for 60 minutes. Then, on Wednesday morning and this morning I went for a 25 minute jog! It was incredible. I am very proud of myself! I got up early (around 5:30 am) and hit the road. It felt wonderful and I discovered that I am in better shape than I thought. I was able to about 12 minutes without stopping. It won’t take me long to reach my goal of running 30 minutes non stop. This is really encouraging and motivating.

This week I have also improved on my eating habits. I have been watching what I eat and tracking my foods with my iPhone using an app call “Lose it”. It is really easy to use and I can use it anywhere. It keeps track of calories in and calories out.

I am attributing all this motivation to a podcast that I discovered over the weekend. It is called FitGirl: your guide to getting in shape. I have been listening non stop and I really like it! Kira, the host of the podcast, discusses fitness, nutrition and your mindset. She covers everything that is needed in order for you to succeed. The podcasts have really motivated me!

It’s time to set some goals.

15 Mar

The time has finally come. I have ignored it and pushed it aside for far too long. It’s time for me to focus on getting my body in shape. Last spring, I did quite a bit of walking in order to loose my baby weight. My mother and I joined Weight Watchers and we were quite successful in loosing weight. I had reached my goal of 125 lbs, but I have failed to maintain it. Experimenting with my eating habits and indulging in treats have left me with 4 lbs of gained weight. Some my say; “Hey! only 4 lbs. No big deal”. But on a girl my height (5 ft 1″), it causes my jeans to be tight and my waist to disappear. Plus, even when I was at my goal weight, I was still jiggly all over. I have lost quite a bit of muscle mass. These, along with other side effects of a sedentary lifestyle (sore back, weak legs, fatigue, unused stress, etc)are my motivation to get fit!

I have done many things in the past to get fit. I used to lift free weights, use weight machines, cardio machines, cycling, running (treadmill and outdoors), pilates, yoga. You name it, I’ve tried it! So I know what works for me and what I enjoy. So, my main focus will be on free weights and running outdoors. So if I understand correctly, it all begins with a goal or goals.

Goals need to be:
time specific

This is know as the smart philosophy. Ok, here it goes.

Goal (1)

My goal is to make my body strong, lean and fit by June 15th. (specific enough?)
Measurable? Lean ie. fit into a size 4-6
Achievable, definitely!
Realistic, I think so.
Time specific, I have 3 months!
I’d better get to it!

Ok, I have my goal. What do I need to do to accomplish it?

1) Run 3x/week
2) Do free weights 2x/week (minimum)
3) Eat a low calorie, high fiber and balanced diet.