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Feeling oh so crappy

14 Jul

Things haven’t been so good for me lately. I feel as though I am spiralling down once again into a depression. Not the best place to be. Nothing seems to be right or good enough. My self-talk has been so negative lately….I treat my enemies better! When I see myself in the mirror or look down at my body, I am so disgusted with myself. My energy is really low, it takes a lot for me to smile and I am having more bad days than good. I think a lot of it has to do with my self-esteem and my self-confidence. It is definitely different than my post-partum depression. These are feelings you are supposed to deal with in your 20’s not your 30’s! Pathetic I tell you! I need a major intervention or else I will reach the point where only medication will help. And I don’t want to go there again. I have few a ideas how to stop it and think I need to set myself some goals.

Now that my eating habits are under control and I feel in control at home, perhaps it is time to incorporate a little bit of physical activity. Exercise helps in a multitude if ways!
1) exercise helps to lift your mood because it releases endorphins.
2) exercise increases your energy level.
3) exercise makes the body fit!

In the past, I have setup up unrealistic goals and piled way too much on my plate. What happens? I get completely discouraged because it’s just too much! I am NOT making that mistake again! No way! Only baby steps from now on. I think setting a goal of 4x/ week sounds reasonable. But I need to look realistically at my schedule and make sure it’s doable.

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Quick, quick… not much time!

14 Jul

Ok, so I don’t have a lot of time. I am training someone to replace me at work and I am spending my free time trying to finish up my Nutritional Symptomatology course (hopefully get it mailed out tomorrow and start my new course;  Anatomy)….I gotta make this quick!

 On Monday, I continued with my gluten-free trend. For breakfast I had 2 Mesa-Sunrise waffles with greek yogurt and sliced banana.

 

Snacks consisted of fruit, almonds and flourless peanut butter cookies. Oh, and I might have munched on some dark chocolate. I made grilled sausages with polenta and sautéed swiss chard for dinner. It was delicious!

Dessert was a beautiful bowl of cherries. Sorry, no pics!

Tuesday, I changed things up and made a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, paired with 2 scrambled eggs. My morning snack was cottage cheese and a pear and my afternoon snack was a couple of flourless peanut butter cookies with a tall skinny vanilla latte. I knew I had a big night, so I figured a little bit of caffeine will help. Dinner was a big treat. We headed over to my parent’s house where my mother had made a feast! I had barbequed shrimp, potato salad, ribs, green salad and grilled veggies. All gluten-free and excellent!

 This morning, I made myself 2 Mesa Sunrise waffles with greek yogurt, but instead of a banana, I thawed some blueberries! It paired together very nicely.

My morning snack was a green apple with Apple Cinnamon peanut butter.

As I am writing this, I am munching on a gigantic salad with tuna. I hope it will keep me full for at least a couple of hours! After reviewing how much I eat in a day, I decided I need to cut down a little.  I think that sometimes I eat out of boredom and that this might be the source of my weight gain. Time to crack down and use my will power! For dinner, I haven’t planned much. I musty admit, I am running out of ideas for my gluten-free “Italian” week. This morning I pulled some pork loin chops out of the freezer.  I am trying to think of something I can do with it that has an Italian vibe. I could pair the chops with a delicious risotto, but I am not sure I will have the time. I’ll keep thinking…

Gluten-free update

Ever since returning to gluten-free eating on monday, I feel much less bloated. I have to attempt some glutinous food soon, but I am really preparing myself for the worse. I am going to wait a few more days before trying again.

Oh, by the way. The hubby and I finally booked our romantic weekend getaway. We are heading to New York City! I can’t wait! Only 2 1/2 weeks away.

A change is gonna come

8 Jul

There are some big changes coming. I got the news yesterday that I got a new job! That’s right, my hard work paid off. I will be working for a company that is located near my house, about a 5 minute drive! What could be better than that!? I am looking forward to starting fresh in a new company, having new challenges and responsibilities. There are some pros and cons to this new job….this is what I have come up with:

Pros Cons
   
Close to home Longer hours (8:30-5:30)
Gym on site, open 7 days/week! Less “me” time
More challenging Less time to surf the net & blog
Start of a new career, new work identity Miss my friends
English work environment Not downtown
Possibilities of advancement Taking a risk (what if I don’t like it?)
Make new friends  
Less temptation to shop during lunch  
Can run errands during lunch  
Can visit my son during lunch  
Can work out during lunch (hopefully)  
3 weeks vacation, plus 5 personal days  
I won’t be “bored”  
Less stressful travel (no running to catch the train)  
   
   

 

Clearly, it’s an easy decision to make. But why am I so hesitant? I have a few theories.

Theory 1: I am afraid I will be unhappy.

Theory 2: It’s hard to leave something comfortable

Theory 3: I am afraid of hard work

Theory 4: I am worried about making a “bad” decision

Now let’s analyze each one.

Theory 1 is a plausible and justified concern. We all want to be happy. But, I should ask myself this: am I happy now? And the answer is no. I am not happy. I am bored, feel “stuck” with no possibilities of advancement, lack motivation and feel lazy. So, worse case scenario things don’t get better at the new job. Ultimately, my long term goal is to work as a Holistic Nutritionist and work in the field of health and fitness. This job is a stepping stone. As I described in this post, I am looking for a job that allows me to achieve some immediate and short term goals. Working for this new company fits within my criteria somewhat. I am not looking to be happy forever. I have a backup plan!

Theory 2 also makes sense. But, I think in order to grow and develop you need to be uncomfortable. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be called a “challenge”. Being challenged, progressing in your life and achieving your goals brings great rewards. Breaking free from your comfort zone and trying new things has the possibility to enrich your life.

Theory 3 is truly a pathetic theory and excuse. But, it may be true. I have waaaaay too much time on my hands and I have gotten really lazy at work. I am able to do my day at work doing the bare minimum. I work on average probably about 2 hours per day. Working a full 8 hours will feel like a lot at first. But I have to remind myself, this is normal. What I do now is abnormal! So it’s not fear, it’s laziness.

Theory 4 is justified. As I look back on my life, I often see only mistakes and bad decisions. Of course, this is ridiculous. Yes, I have made some bad decisions, like everyone, but I also have made some really good decisions. I like to remind myself that when in the heat of the moment, you make your decision based on the information you have at the time. You can’t predict the future. What I do wrong, is by thinking too far ahead and exaggerating the “benefits”. I downplay or disregard the negatives. Am I doing this now? I find that I often think that this decision will transform my life, I will finally be happy and that I will somehow be a better person. I believe that this way of thinking is actually harming me. Yes, making decisions can change your life, make you happier and perhaps even a better person. But it’s not the decision itself. It’s what you do after making this decision. It can get the ball rolling, be a motivator and inspiration. But, ultimately I have to learn to be happy no matter where I am working or how much money I make. Just because I am starting a new job, doesn’t mean I can drastically change my habits and the way I live, one week to the next. I can take this opportunity to begin creating new habits, but it won’t be instantaneous. It will take time and as I have said before, baby steps is what works best!

The turkey and the eagle

28 Jun

So I thought long and hard about this. Do I want to include posts that contain my thoughts regarding my life challenges, my feelings of battling depression or other “not so happy” thoughts? Perhaps some readers only want to read about happy things? What I have decided to do is both. I can’t fight who I am. I have been doing it for too long. I just want to be “me” and this is who “me” is.

First, let’s talk about the weekend!

Saturday night I made a delicious dinner that I just absolutely have to share with you! I swayed a little from my original plan of making salmon with dill, potato patties and roasted Brussels sprouts and gave in to my craving for Asian food! I adapted a recipe that I got from a Rachael Ray cookbook for MYOTO. Grilled salmon with homemade teriyaki sauce for basting paired with Asian style noodles with carrots, ginger and garlic. Wow! Tasty! Even my son loved it! I will post the recipe later. Until then, here’s a picture to get your mouth watering. Paired with some white wine….a perfect meal! Oh, the noodles were brown rice noodles. GF of course! Really good and had an amazing texture.

Sunday morning I was feeling a little creative. While doing my groceries on Saturday I bought this. Maseca corn flour! So the husband and I decided to whip up homemade corn tortillas, without a tortilla press. Not as easy as we thought! With some strong muscles and problem solving skills, Frank managed to “press” the tortillas using a cutting board and a serving dish. I should have taken pictures but I was too busy cooking them up in a frying pan. The result? Authentic tasting corn tortillas! We decided to fill them with ham and cheese. I think I have a new love, Maseca! There are so many delicious sounding and gluten free recipes! Like Panameño Susupiros, Almojábanas and Andaluz Tamale Pie. I can’t wait to try some of them out!

The rest of the week should go according to “schedule” except that tonight I am swapping the Mustard Maple Chicken for tomorrow’s baked beans.

So now, I am sure you are asking yourselves, what about the turkey and the eagle? Well, here is the story.

Today is a little like yesterday. As I took a walk during my lunch hour today, one thought kept circling my mind. Why can’t I live a different life? “Because I have my own”, seems like a logical response. But that response doesn’t change the way I feel. I still feel inadequate compared to others. There is this really great expression my husband told me (it’s kind of funny actually!), “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys”. That is almost how I view my life. I am trying so hard to soar; to improve myself, make changes, create new habits….but something keeps preventing me. These “turkeys” aren’t actual turkeys (obviously!), nor are they people around me (well, at least I don’t think they are)…..I think the turkey is me; the other side of me, my depressive side. Just as I am beginning to gain speed, see some confidence or improvements, the turkey pulls me back to the ground. And, I have to start all over again. I feel that I am never “feeling good” long enough to be able to make those changes I need to gain confidence, more self-esteem or resilience to battle life’s challenges. Before too long, I get into another funk and loose all the momentum I have gained. I have to figure out how to avoid the turkey and soar like the eagle I know I am.

feeling gloomy

28 Jun

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, those days when everything goes wrong and nothing feels right? I noticed quickly and tried to nip it fast before it ruined my day completely. Although it didn’t, I was left depressed and discouraged. I hate those days! One day, I am thankful for everything that I have and am happy with myself. Then, bam, the next day I am envious of others, critical of others and myself and just plain miserable. I hope it was just one day. I hope today is better.

Back later with the weekend recap….from the positive side of things J

cooking co-op

25 Jun

So my best-friend emailed me this morning and asked if I wanted to participate in a cooking co-op.  I’ve never heard of this, so she sent me this link.  After reading about it, I said sure! Who wouldn’t!? If you don’t have time to read the article, the basic concept is that you make a large batch of food once a week (or once every 2 weeks, or once a month…) and you get together with others and swap. The more people in the group, the bigger your batch has to be  and the more meals you get in return. After making your large batch of whatever meal you choose, you package it up in reusable containers and swap. For now, our group consists of just the 2 of us. But, check out her blog! She cooks delicious, wholesome and healthy meals.  She also bakes some stellar desserts.

Sometimes I feel as though I have gotten into a food rut. Making the same recipes over and over again, using the same spices and the same ingredients. I am looking forward to a little variety in my life! Oh, and the best part? She is going to accommodate my gluten-free style of eating!

This morning for breakfast I enjoyed shared a bowl of oatmeal with my son with a side of scramble eggs.  Breakfast of champions! I couldn’t resist the calling to eat eggs for breakfast so I guess I won’t be eating an omelette for dinner?

This morning at work, I enjoyed a little healthy snack. Naturally gluten-free!

I wonder what I will make for dinner? And the search begins!

A little bit of this…a little bit of that

22 Jun

Here is a random sampler of meals that I have enjoyed over the past week. My first week was really quite easy to stick with. I have been able to resist my usual temptations such as cookies and pasta. I have become more aware of how many foods contain wheat and gluten. I’ve even had to stop using a my favourite salad dressing! So far there has been no change in my weight. Perhaps it is the healthy serving of ice cream I have been enjoying practically every evening! I do have one confession. Sunday I slipped up and ate “Cookie ‘n’Cream” Ice cream. It only hit me half way through my bowl that they were actual cookie chunks that I was eating! Gluten filled cookies! Woops! I should be more careful!!

Who could resist such a delicious looking breakfast? Now that I am doing my gluten-free experiment, I was worried that by choosing a gluten-free waffle I would somehow be compromising. I am pleasantly surprised to find that gluten-free waffles are just as tasty as regular ones. Gluten-free waffles, greek yogurt, fresh fruit and a drizzle of maple syrup are the perfect thing to begin the day!

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Here is another littles taster….grilled polenta over baked beans. Gluten-free and tasty to boot! Sprinkle a little sharp cheddar on the top and you are in heaven. If you haven’t tried it, you should!! Sweet meets salty….a match made in heaven for sure!


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A grill cheese made with gluten-free bread and mozzarella with melon slices on the side. The bread does not have quite the same texture as regular, but I have gotten used to it.


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A delicious salad beast for lunch. Chock full of veggies and chickpeas for protein. So filling!


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I hope my posts have helped anyone contemplating trying a gluten-free diet. It has been a very easy transition. I’ve purchased a few GF items, but it has been minimal. The core of anything healthy and balanced should always be fresh veggies, fruits, lean protein, healthy fats and whole grains. There are plenty of GF whole grains available to choose from! Of course, there will be challenges. But like anything, it’s always best to plan ahead!

I am off to do a little but of reading before bed. Goodnight!